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My perspective
I moved to Ananda in April 1984 and left in June 1992. I still bless the day I moved out of there, but from a seven-year perspective, I can see the valuable lessons I learned. These lessons were learned slowly, embarrassingly slowly, but learning them has made me free. Lesson 1: I gave up the delusion that my life was only worthwhile if I gave it to a great cause. The cause in this case was supposed to be spreading the teachings of PY, but it turned out be trying to make J. Donald Walters (Swami Kriyananda) happy, an impossible job. But the cause is not what's important-- the lesson is that I cannot shift to anyone else the work of finding what my life is for. Lesson 2: I learned that I could not give up my own perceptions and interpretations for those of a group, even though it meant that I would never wholly be part of that group. Lesson 3: I learned that I could never surrender to a group power over my life, having seen what happened to those who did. Lesson 4: I learned that I could not pledge loyalty when that meant replacing my own world view with someone else's. Lesson 5: I realized that I was just an ordinary person, not one who was chosen by God to take a great teaching into the new millennium. These lessons are deeply valuable to me, and I am grateful to Ananda for forcing me to learn them. Each lesson resulted in greater freedom. I didn't have bad experiences at Ananda; I left because I wasn't allowed to be myself there. I bless the day I moved out. There are two curious things that happened while I was at Ananda. All my life I had felt that I participated in the great abundance of the Universe--- I had always felt wealthy, even though I never had a lot of money. The other thing was during meditation one day before I moved there, I came to the complete inner knowledge that I would know God. So I came to Ananda with these two deep convictions. After a time at Ananda, I realized that these deep inner convictions were gone. I had entered poverty consciousness and no longer knew that I would someday indeed know God. Now, after seven years away from Ananda, both of these things are back. I bless the day a left.- Don't be afraid to leave.
Reflections of another member
Ways Kriyananda Maintains Authority Over All Aspects of Community Life Only those who are "in tune" with him are allowed into positions of leadership and power. Attunement means believing swami can do no wrong and following him blindly. Attunement with Swami is equated with attunement with God. The rank and file are controlled by the leadership through guilt and fear. Although swami himself never tells anyone what to do, he withholds his attention, affection, and approval from those who fail to follow his "suggestions". His suggestions cover every area of community life, goals and objectives, organization, architecture, etc. It was his idea to incorporate as a township, live in housing clusters, communize our personal assets, etc. Once labeled "out of tune", one is marginalized, shunned, and ostracized. ---- once told me: "I have learned that to doubt Swami is not to love him. " ---- told me: "I would gain more by following Swami into a ditch than by trying to develop my own discrimination." I was told by both * and * "Who are you to question Swami?" Kriyananda got his hooks into me by acting very sweet, loving, and humble. I loved him because he was so sweet and kind to me. It becomes very difficult to believe anyone so sweet and self-sacrificing would have a desire for power or control, or that he could be dishonest or deceptive in any way. It took several years before I saw through his act. Most never became suspicious because of their deep need for acceptance and approval by the group. Peer pressure kept everyone in line. Kriyananda controlled by appearing self-sacrificing, vulnerable, and eliciting sympathy. He told us repeatedly: "I'm working so hard for all of you, I'm so exhausted- my health is suffering. I'm giving my life for you." The community response was always "Poor Swami, we have to do more to help you." Kriyananda controlled us by instilling in us delusions of grandeur. We were going to save the world. Wonderful new concepts of living could flow out to the world from Ananda's living example of Master's World Brotherhood Colony. Kriyananda cannot accept criticism of any kind. I once wrote and article in a community news letter giving a negative opinion of his design for a building. He told me: "I'm concerned about you. I think you are being influenced by dark astral entities
Other one woman's story Because I think it is very wrong for spiritual leaders (who have our trust) to do this sort of thing, I want to inform you of my experience. I am 66, so what happened to me was shortly after Ananda Community was open to the public for week long yoga retreats, about 30 years. ago. At that time, I had 3 small children and had gone through a very unhappy divorce as my husband left me for another woman. My self-esteem was at a low ebb, although I was fairly attractive at the time. I had an "illumination" experience in 1963, while praying for a person, so thus began my quest, quite before the metaphysical hippy days had started. I read AY and yearned for the Kriya Yoga initiation techniques, to further my spiritual growth and understanding of my spiritual experience. Joyously, I discovered that there was an actual Kriya yoga instructor, in the person of Swami Kriyananda (SK), who came to San Rafael to deliver his teachings. I was very impressed, as I knew that his name would mean "bliss in Kriya" and that surely he must be a Master. I had been studying the *** lessons, and other yoga studies, and was aware of the humble respect and service one should demonstrate toward one's teacher, guru, swami, etc., and that it was a special honor to be singled out by them for any kind of attention or service request, that it was likened to serving The Master, or even God. I was also aware of the law of Karma, (cause and effect), and the fact that SK had taken a vow of celibacy.I invited SK and a young woman (later called K), who seemed quite dazzled by SK for dinner, so SK was more aware of me than others who had taken his classes in this area. When I was at Ananda, I believe it was my second visit there, SK "honored" me by requesting I come to his abode to give him a foot massage. I felt very honored to have been thus chosen, considering that he had his own entourage of people who actually lived at Ananda to fulfill this noble function.This took place on the outside deck of his home, while SK reclined in a hammock. Shortly, after I had begun to massage his feet, he pulled up his orange cotton garment and proudly revealed his large, bare, tumescent penis, and he gallantly invited me to massage it (while fondling himself), and have intercourse. I was shocked, terribly embarrassed, humiliated, disgusted, and worst of all, AFRAID. I had previously been beaten for turning down a man's sexual overtures. I knew I had done nothing whatsoever to entice or seduce SK. I had been modest, dressed modestly and had acted with dignity and humbleness. I was also amazed that SK would do this in broad daylight outside, when anyone could have approached from the surrounding area, where people easily wandered around. However, I felt safe in declining his request out there, than I would have inside his home. That made me more assertive, because I felt he wouldn't attack me physically outside as I could scream or someone might see us, if I declined him and made him angry. Curiously, what actually came to mind after that was that I did not want the responsibility of messing up his karma, and taking on negative karma myself by being a party to his losing his vow of celibacy, so I respectfully declined his "kind offer", to mate with him. He didn't argue, and I left. I even wondered if he was trying to "honor" me with this special privilege so I would donate a lot ofmoney to his community, since he had seen my nice home on the golf course in San Rafael, and he may have assumed I had money to spare for such things, but I did not.I left Ananda quite saddened, depressed, and disillusioned, I canceled my *** mail lessons. I was shocked at the lack of integrity of this man who was functioning as the spiritual leader of this community, with innocent people trusting him. I even felt it was a "test" by God of my own integrity, or maybe Kriyananda had thought it up to see if I was a worthy chela or not, To me it was cruel, and beneath the dignity of a spiritual leader, and certainly reflected badly on the teachings, and that there was a pretense at celibacy so that a woman could feel safe in the Ananda environment, without fear of being attacked. My trust was violated and compromised. I even felt GUILT that I had not accommodated his request, for fear I should have obeyed him, and consequently wondered where I stood spiritually with "God", as a result of my noncompliance, which added to my depression. I was still of an age that women were supposed to home and obey the clergy, doctors, and lawyers. My mother told me to. I am a lot wiser now.
Ananda Rules The following are excerpts from the "Ananda Rules of Conduct for Members", the whole of which has been entered as evidence in the sexual harassment lawsuit. Written by J. Donald Walters. (Swami Kriyananda) "The Rule" "These rules of conduct have evolved through many years of practical experience, both in the development of Ananda World Brotherhood Village since its birthing period, 1967-1969, and in my own earlier spiritual life as a direct disciple of the great master, Paramhansa Yogananda. The rules presented here are based on the present realities of life at Ananda. For many years, these rules were defined not as rules, specifically, but rather as a growing body of traditional observances. This was entirely as it should have been. For who would be so foolish as to fit a person to a new suit of clothes, rather than fit the new suit to the person! "The sabbath," Jesus Christ said, "was made for man, and not man for the sabbath." Astonishingly, systems are often built on preconceived theories alone, with no practical reference to the human realities they are meant to affect. The purpose of these rules, then, is primarily to explain and clarify a way of life that is already in existence, and thereby to guide the members of Ananda further in their efforts to grow toward perfection. Ananda World Brotherhood Village is, essentially, not only a spiritual, but also a monastic, community. It is monastic in the dictionary-accepted sense of a community that renounces worldly interests that are centered in ego-gratification and in the quest for personal gain; and that is wholly dedicated to living for God alone, to serving Him, and to becoming united with Him, eventually, in spirit. May these Rules of Conduct help to point the way to perfection for those who have accepted the ray of the divine light that was brought to the West by Paramhansa Yogananda, and that is expressed through Ananda World Brotherhood Village. “Loyalty” It is not necessarily a sign of loyalty, on the other hand, merely to agree--if, for example, one's agreement is with what he inwardly perceives as an error. It is a sign of loyalty, however, to support one's spiritual family regardless of one's disagreement with some of its directions, provided those directions constitute no major threat to what should always be the member's highest loyalty: his commitment to God. It is not loyal, in the name of "fairness" and "objectivity," to withhold support from community decisions, once these decisions have been agreed upon. Nor is it loyal, in the name of "open-mindedness," to hold oneself aloof in such matters as if claiming to represent some higher wisdom that is not being accepted. Perfection cannot be achieved here on earth. Is it not wrong, then, to make such minor imperfections as one may find, or imagine one has found, in his chosen spiritual family his excuse for withholding mental support! Does one, for instance, for the imperfections that he may observe in his own mother, hold himself aloof from her! She is his mother, after all, her human shortcomings notwithstanding. When there is love, a person's deepest awareness will always be of the causes for unity, not for disunity. Members, wherever they may go, should see themselves as channels of God and of the ray of divine light that is expressed through Ananda. They should behave themselves accordingly-joyfuliy, of course, but never with abandon, and always with God- remembrance. They ought to strive consciously to project their inner light, so that that light--which is to say, God's light, through them--may touch, on some level, everyone they meet. Article 13 “Membership Vows” Vows of membership should be defined first in terms of final commitment, and then adjusted to varying degrees of commitment up to that highest level. The final vows, then, are four: simplicity, self-control, service, and cooperative obedience. Simplicity, at Ananda, is not defined as poverty. It is defined, rather, as reducing one's wants so that material things do not intrude on one's inner freedom, but rather, in the context of whatever needs to be done, facilitate that freedom. Self control means always to hold one's physical sense-pleasures in rein, and to strive to direct one's energy from the senses to soul-consciousness, rather than the reverse. Service means less the actual activity of serving than the love one channels while serving. Indeed, for the devotee, all life should be viewed in terms of the opportunities it gives him to serve God in all. Cooperative obedience, finally, means intelligent, creative participation in whatever one is asked to do, as opposed to that kind of obedience which asks, and is allowed to ask, no questions. The final vows of Life-Membership in the Ananda monastic order read as follows: "Heavenly Father, Divine Mother, Friend, Beloved God; Great masters: Jesus Christ, Babaji-Krishna, Lahiri Mahasaya, Swami Sri Yukteswar, and our guru, Paramhansa Yogananda; great saints of all religions: I bow to you all. "I offer my life, my service, and my devotion unconditionally to God, to you my line of gurus, and to the ray of the divine light that you represent. "I promise to live my life always in openness and surrender to God's will. I will abide by the monastic principles of simplicity and self-control as they have been defined in the Ananda Rules of Conduct for Members. Henceforth I relinquish all sense of'I' and 'mine' in my life. I offer all that I own and all that I am at Thy feet of Infinity. "I dedicate myself to finding Thee, my God, and to serving Thee in a spirit of love through my fellowman. "As a means of attaining Self-realization, I pledge my cooperative obedience and loyalty to Ananda, to those members who are responsible for guiding the community in its various aspects, and, above all, to the living representative of the Ananda line of gurus: the Spiritual Director of Ananda Church of Self- Realization." (The Spiritual Director of Ananda is J. Donald Walters) Article 6 “Marriage” Members should ponder the fact that marriage is not only a private and personal affair, but also a social state. In a spiritually close community, especially, like Ananda, a disharmonious marriage cannot but affect in some way the harmony of everyone, whereas a harmonious marriage gives joy to all. No two members wishing to get married should feel that the matter is their concern alone. Grave mistakes in marriage might be prevented if the advice of others--spiritual well-wishers, especially, uninfluenced by personal desire--were consulted. A committee should be appointed by the community to consult with couples wishing to be married. To develop guidelines of true, spiritual compatibility, as opposed to merely romantic attraction, should be the long-range goal of this committee. The immediate function of the marriage committee, however, will be to give the community's consent to a marriage. This approval should be sought by every couple before committing themselves to getting married. The committee's approval, moreover, should not be given lightly, but weighed carefully. The couple's relationship together should be studied conscientiously, with regard primarily to their highest welfare, but also with regard to the welfare of the community. The true meaning of marriage should be explored with the prospective couple at a series of sessions. Couples ought to wait at least one year from the time they first announce their desire to marry, before actually getting married. Couples who are Ananda members should accept to be married by an Ananda minister, and according to the Ananda Wedding Ceremony. The essence of the meaning of this ceremony, as distinct from many other wedding ceremonies, might be expressed thus: Traditionally, the bride comes to the wedding dressed in white, as if to declare, "Until today, my body has been kept pure for marriage." At Ananda, however, if the bride wears white it is to declare, "My husband and I want always to live together in purity." If any couple, influenced by personal desire, decide to marry in opposition to the community's decision and advice, they may not be married by an Ananda minister. Let them, instead, be married outside the community, and not burden their spiritual family, who have their highest welfare sincerely at heart, with the request that it go against it's own conscience in the matter. Article 7 “Children”
Children are not possessions: They are sacred charges. A couple's
responsibility to their children is a responsibility in God, and must be
discharged in truth, love, and divine respect. They must seek ever to
touch the children at their highest level of reality.. The couple have a
duty also to the community in raising their children, if only because
their children's behavior can affect other children in the community.
Couples haven't the right to insist, as couples often do in the world,
"This child is Article 8 “Work Is Service” Ananda members should view whatever gainful employment they seek as a service, never merely as work. The mere thought of hard work, indeed, often drains a person's energies, whereas joyful, willing service opens inner floodgates to a boundless supply of energy. Expansive service, moreover, in God's name, is much more spiritually regenerating than that constricted service, motivated by human feelings, which people commonly offer to the few whom they consider their own. Even those closest to them should be served, rather, with the thought that, through them, one is serving God. The employment sought by members should be in keeping with Ananda's ideals; it should not be selected from financial motives alone. Above all, it should be approached in the light of the opportunities it affords for serving others in a divine way. Ananda members are free both to create their own businesses and to import businesses from outside the community. They are free, as well, to pursue their own personal careers. No gainful activity should be admitted into Ananda, however, until it has been passed on by a business council. The main focus of this business council should be on the compatibility of the proposed activity with Ananda's ideals. The emphasis in this case should be positive; in other words, the council should be open to accepting almost any new activity, provided the activity doesn't contradict Ananda's ideals. For in truth, virtually any business can have a spiritual influence, if the people who serve in it do so in the consciousness of God. Members who want to change their jobs should first consult the community, or appointed representatives of the community, lest the change they propose cause inconvenience to any aspect of the community's life and activities, and also for reassurance from their spiritual family that the change will be for their own highest, spiritual good. Members should feel that Ananda as a whole, and not the building in which they happen to live at Ananda, is their home. Thus, should their services ever be required elsewhere, it will be easier for them to view this need as an opportunity for their spiritual growth, and to accept it willingly, with non-attachment.
A woman's story Because I think it is very wrong for spiritual leaders (who have our trust) to do this sort of thing, I want to inform you of my experience. I am 66, so what happened to me was shortly after Ananda Community was open to the public for week long yoga retreats, about 30 years. ago. At that time, I had 3 small children and had gone through a very unhappy divorce as my husband left me for another woman. My self-esteem was at a low ebb, although I was fairly attractive at the time. I had an "illumination" experience in 1963, while praying for a person, so thus began my quest, quite before the metaphysical hippy days had started. I read AY and yearned for the Kriya Yoga initiation techniques, to further my spiritual growth and understanding of my spiritual experience. Joyously, I discovered that there was an actual Kriya yoga instructor, in the person of Swami Kriyananda (SK), who came to San Rafael to deliver his teachings. I was very impressed, as I knew that his name would mean "bliss in Kriya" and that surely he must be a Master. I had been studying the *** lessons, and other yoga studies, and was aware of the humble respect and service one should demonstrate toward one's teacher, guru, swami, etc., and that it was a special honor to be singled out by them for any kind of attention or service request, that it was likened to serving The Master, or even God. I was also aware of the law of Karma, (cause and effect), and the fact that SK had taken a vow of celibacy. I invited SK and a young woman (later called K), who seemed quite dazzled by SK for dinner, so SK was more aware of me than others who had taken his classes in this area.When I was at Ananda, I believe it was my second visit there, SK "honored" me by requesting I come to his abode to give him a foot massage. I felt very honored to have been thus chosen, considering that he had his own entourage of people who actually lived at Ananda to fulfill this noble function.
This took
place on the outside deck of his home, while SK reclined in a hammock.
Shortly, after I had begun to massage his feet, he pulled up his orange
cotton garment and proudly revealed his large, bare, tumescent penis, and
he gallantly invited me to massage it (while fondling himself), and have
intercourse. Curiously, what actually came to mind after that was that I did not want the responsibility of messing up his karma, and taking on negative karma myself by being a party to his losing his vow of celibacy, so I respectfully declined his "kind offer", to mate with him. He didn't argue, and I left.
I even wondered if he was trying to "honor" me with this special privilege
so I would donate a lot of I left Ananda quite saddened, depressed, and disillusioned, I canceled my *** mail lessons. I was shocked at the lack of integrity of this man who was functioning as the spiritual leader of this community, with innocent people trusting him. I even felt it was a "test" by God of my own integrity, or maybe Kriyananda had thought it up to see if I was a worthy chela or not, To me it was cruel, and beneath the dignity of a spiritual leader, and certainly reflected badly on the teachings, and that there was a pretense at celibacy so that a woman could feel safe in the Ananda environment, without fear of being attacked. My trust was violated and compromised. I even felt GUILT that I had not accommodated his request, for fear I should have obeyed him, and consequently wondered where I stood spiritually with "God", as a result of my noncompliance, which added to my depression. I was still of an age that women were supposed to home and obey the clergy, doctors, and lawyers. My mother told me to. I am a lot wiser now.
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